Back to the square one!

My parents always told me that you can get anything by working hard. I believed them blindly even though i never tried to test it by working hard. I decided to change it all when i joined Infosys. And trust me, I was going great. Was the "BEST" infact. Little did i know that Infosys is a different company. If you work hard here, you dont get what you want. So rules changed exactly when i tried the tried and tested formula of the world. And here I'm in Mangalore, a place which some people might like but i dont. Cos all my life, my dream has been to live a fast paced life in a crowded city. I like life that way. And I'm forced to live in this slow, quiet town. Its not a bad life. Just that This is not what i want. Anyways, have to make my peace with it. Nothing i do right now can change it. So i guess i'm back to the square one.
Moral of the story : Dont ever work hard.

The last friday in B'lore!

So finally, I'm a graduate of BITS, Pilani. Feels great? Feels ok? Actually, nothing at all. I didn't realise it was supposed to mean anything until I overheard someone saying that sentence. Ya, so I guess my association with BITS is over atleast in a physical way. I will be,of course, identified with my BITS tag wherever I go but I'm on my own. I dont have this division and that department to go to whenever I'm in doubt about something.
I never felt very passionately about BITS. I wasnt one of the achievers and I guess thats why. But someday, I would like to do something for BITS. Just as I want to be proud of BITS, I want BITS to be proud of me too.I realise I have a long way to go before something like that happens and the first thing I will have to achieve to make it all happen is a strong determination. But, in one of those moods, when I am optimistic about life and myself, I can see it all falling in place. And, who knows, someday it might become a reality.
Today is also my last day in HP where i was doing my PS for last one year. So, in that way,my association with BITS has been very indirect. HP was a nice place I guess, just that I'm not too inclined to research.So, not my kinda place. Anyways, I'm done with it for good now. And looking forward to a long break coming up. I am kinda sad about leaving bangalore though. I love this city. It is laid up and fast at the same time. I love it for its weather, for its people and sometimes even for all its problems.Hope I'll be able to come here again after some time.Till then, adieu,bangalore!

A Usual Monday Morning.

Yeah,it was a usual monday morning.Getting up at 7:45 A.M only to find that you cant go back to sleep but have to get ready and go to work is not a happy thought any day but after two days of fun and laziness,it is even more not so.Anyways,I got up and got ready to discover that it is a usual rainy bangalore weather outside and that perked me up a bit.Normally,most people find this weather gloomy and some romantic and that makes them not so enthused abt going to work.But I like this weather no matter what I'm supposed to be doing.And the thought that the weather outside is beautiful,calm and yeah gloomy and romantic too makes me feel good.
So,anyways,apart from that,it was a pretty regular Monday morning.After breakfast,went to the bus stop waiting for (non-crowded) bus to come.The bus I got today was fairly non-crowded.But I had to stand nevertheless.Have u ever noticed that when u r standing in a bus,you see the people sitting on the seats as merely some undeserving statues occupying the seat you shud be in.And only when u become one of those statues yourself,do u think of people around you as human beings with flesh,blood and feelings.Well,atleast thats how it goes with me.So,finally i got a seat and started observing people around me.
My entire stay in the bus after that was taken up in observing a woman sitting right opposite to me.This woman had a very haggard appearence.Her clothes weren't exactly rags but were on the verge of being so.She was carrying a small kid in her arms.And her another kid(a boy)was standing next to her holding her for support.He was playing with this smaller kid(i have a feeling it was a girl child) and seemed happy doing that.I don't know if the fact that even his clothes were near-rags and he,like his mother, was barefooted bothered him.I wondered if the fact bothered her.I wondered if she had seen many hardships in life(I guess she must have and must be struggling even now) and i wondered if this hard life had taken its toll on her.I saw her look at the boy with a love which only a mother can feel for her children.And I knew that atleast it had not taken its toll on her love for her children. Then,i saw her "mangalsutra" and I wondered if she had a happy family.If her husband was a loving husband who tried his best to run the family and educate his kids or if he came home drunk,beat up his wife and kids.I hoped it was the former.She somehow looked around my age.I dont know if it was because she was thin and looked starved.I wondered if she begged for herself and her kids.I desparately hoped that was not the case.Because I dont have much sympathy for beggars.At moments like these,I feel grateful and dwarfed at the same time.I feel grateful to God and to the circumstances which have been fairly generous with me so far.I feel dwarfed because of the fact that I never appreciate this fact.My expectations remain unsatiated.I feel guilty even of the fact that i was a trifle sad that it was a Monday morning and I had to work when she did not have any such respite as I had in a weekend.Hers was a much harder Monday morning and every day of her life is a Monday morning.I just hope that on one such Monday morning,she and her kids have clothes that are not torn and have shoes for their feet.Amen!

Getting bored!!

Yess, as usual I'm in a bored state of mind..Tried to create a new blog.But I'm not able to do that for some reason..so I decided to copy the lyrics of "californication" here..I like that song a lot..and the lyrics were definitely written in a highly doped state. :-)

Psychic spies from China Try to steal your mind's elation
Little girls from Sweden Dream of silver screen quotations
And if you want these kind of dreams It's Californication

It's the edge of the world And all of western civilization
The sun may rise in the East
At least it settles in the final location
It's understood that Hollywood sells Californication

Pay your surgeon very well
To break the spell of aging
Celebrity skin is this your chin
Or is that war your waging

Chorus: First born unicorn
Hard core soft porn
Dream of Californication
Dream of Californication

Marry me girl be my fairy to the world
Be my very own constellation
A teenage bride with a baby inside
Getting high on information
And buy me a star on the boulevard
It's Californication

Space may be the final frontier
But it's made in a Hollywood basement
Cobain can you hear the spheres
Singing songs off station to station

And Alderaan's not far away
It's Californication
Born and raised by those
who praise Control of population
everybody's been there and I don't mean on vacation

Chorus

Destruction leads to a very rough road
But it also breeds creation
And earthquakes are to a girl's guitar
They're just another good vibration
And tidal waves couldn't save the world
From Californication

Pay your surgeon very well
To break the spell of aging
Sicker than the rest
There is no test
But this is what you're craving

Chorus

A fresh start!

I'm in one of those transient phases when you are not in college and feel ecstatic and apprehensive, at the same time, about the professional life you have just stepped into.Am just out of BITS, so really dont miss it that much.Probably, it has got more to do with the fact that I'm still in touch with most of my wingies and ofcourse, my best friends.
To think of it,both the lifestyles have some very unique aspects to them and i guess, at this point of time,it is not really possible for me to prefer one over the other.
In BITS, I felt more secure,more at ease with myself and with people around me.I didn't have to deal with people i didn't like or didn't get along with.I had fewer pressures.The only expectations from me were that of my parents and myself.I could afford to be lax 'cos the only person affected by my irresponsibility was myself.I didn't have to worry much about managing my expenses 'cos I wasn't the one earning money anyways.At the time,I felt life was pretty routine in BITS 'cos there was a limited choice of hangouts.You didn't meet new people too much.Once u make some friends,you tend to stick to them.This was'nt exactly what I had in mind for my future.So,even though I liked BITS for its quietness and freedon it offered me(I love going on long,solitary walks at 10 in the night which is an impossible thing to do when I'm at home),I wanted to be amidst crowds,lose myself in it and most importantly, be totally independent so that I could do whatever I felt like doing.
Even though I was born and brought up in a small town of J&K which owes its existence to the army base camp thanks to the prevalent terrorism,and calling it a town would actually be an exaggeration,I always knew that was not where I wanted to LIVE my life.Even though it meant that I had to be away from my family,I don't remember a time when i was not prepared for it.
This was all that i knew i wanted to do but I didn't know how I was going to make that happen.
The BITS admission came along at that point and things just fell in place.
I fell in love with BITS at first sight.But as far as I'm concerned,things that excite me the most at the first go also bore me the fastest.By the time i was in 4th year, I was bored of BITS and desparately wanted a change.
Today, sitting in my part of this cubicle,I know what my seniors meant when they said that professional life is too monotonous.I never agreed with them.In my opinion, nothing could be more routine than the plain,"non-happening" life of BITS.But it turns out that they were indeed right.
The only thing that I like about my present lifestyle is that I'm financially independent. And I can do things which I couldn't do earlier due to the lack of exposure.
Yes, at the end of the day, I'm glad that I'm a product of BITS 'cos it taught me many things.It taught me that there is a solution to everything. You just have to be smart enough to search the right place.It taught me to be selfish and generous at the same time.It taught me the meaning of friendship.It taught me never to take things to heart.It taught me to live life and to be able to smile at the end of a bad day.
I'm sure thats someday,I'll start missing it like everyone else.But today,I acknowledge BITS for the difference it has made to me and I thank it by moving on with the same amount of zeal that I had when i was a fresher.'Cos, after all, it is a new chapter of my life, and if anything, BITS has only increased my appetite for life and taught me how to savor every moment of it.